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from the darkest corners of culinary lore, presents

the pineapple big mac

many thoughts, and even more feelings, must be going through you right now. let's go through them one by one:

well, no? i can't really tell? all i have to go off on is that commercial above, which looks real enough, especially for something posted 14 years ago. but, there's nothing else online on it, no real trace of it. there's this "article" (more of a status update really) which bases itself solely on the same video. there's nothing else though, no other trace. sure there's the hula burger which is kind of a known fact, but this is not the hula burger

i'll tell you what it's not, it's not the hula burger. that's a ring of pineapple, two slices of cheese and buns. that's well documented. this is neither of those things

bit it doesn't look like a big mac either. since it's inception in 1967, the big mac was two beef patties separated by a third, middle slice of bread. this just looks like a cheeseburger with an added slice of pineapple. my notes from careful analysis of the scant amount of evidence we have present the following ingredient list, top to bottom:

yeah it doesn't go beef, cheese, lettuce, hot grilled pineapple. i was sad to learn too

the big mac uses big mac sauce, which is orange, but this seems to clearly use ketchup and mustard. the pineapple big mac also seems to be doing things in reverse, lettuce and cheese are on the top with the beef on the bottom. it's somewhat in line with the cheeseburger, but the big mac has the beef on top with cheese and lettuce underneath

it's my best bet

i sure did buddy. i did it for the both of us. i did it for the future of pineapple, and the big mac. i hate mcdonalds but damn if i don't love mcdonalds. i did it for rozwell. i did it

i did it for myself

i wanted it. so i made it

well it starts simple, you get a pineapple and you get a big mac. why did i still choose to get a big mac instead of a cheeseburger? well, i don't really have a good answer. i felt like it wouldn't have been a pineapple big mac without a big mac. it wouldn't have been the pineapple big mac without a mac

i also used canned pineapple couse they didn't have real ones at sains, but i went for pineapple in juice not syrup so as to not stray away from it too much

oh come on, you think mcdonalds would buy fresh pineapple. yeah that's what i thought too

i looked up some ways to grill the pineapple. wanted to make it in line with how mcdonalds chefs (never thought i'd put these two words together) would actually make it on the spot. settled on doing them two minutes on each side, on a small drizzle of hot oil and some water sprinkled over to steam under a pot covering

and that's exactly what i did. by this time in the blogpost it should be readily apparent to you that i am not messing around with you, this will happen

i did three slices to make sure i've enough. the slice they use in the commercial looks pretty thick, maybe one and a half times as thick as the beef patty. these slices were pretty thin

while grilling the pineapple i disassembled the big mac back to its core components and reassembled them in the order written above. once the pineapple was ready

i carefully laid them over the cheese. cheese which was an absolute pain to remove without tearing it to shreds btw. did the big mac always have a single slice of cheese? this feels like robbery

oh well. the pic above still has both beef patties but i decided to remove one later down the line. this way it was closer to the ratio in the commercial

looks awfully real, doesn't it?


i understand now why it was left behind in legend

it's uhm. it's very

how should i put it

it feels like you're eating a big mac and also a pineapple but separately. you're just remembering both at the same time. or maybe like if you had two different mouths with two different tongues and ate both, one in each mouth, at the same time. i mean, it was alright? i don't understand how it works so well on pizza but was so underwhelming here? it takes two to tango but this here is not a tango its two guys doing their own tiktok dances in different corners of your mouth. i even put the beef patty over the pineapple after flipping them so they had a bit of time to cook/steam together

maybe it wasn't meant to be. i'm left very, uhm, zero summed? like absolutely nothing has changed in my life. maybe i shouldve grilled the pineapple more or maybe i could've used the syrupy one? it really wasn't great

i dunno, it's a thinker