in 2023 i will be bored

boredom was a common occurence when i was little. by that i don't mean "i'm at school and we're doing geography and i'm bored" type bored, i mean "it's 1:42 pm on a tuesday in summer vacation" type bored. so what i'd often do against that was draw, or make stuff up or very rarely read, but most often draw. i can recall a bunch of my makings and my other activities from back then but i've had one on my mind all morning. specifically, one time as i was sitting in bed i got up and decided to make a little figurine of wall-e out of paper (most of my antics from back then involved paper). and for a few hours i did, and it came out pretty great. it was basically a cube made of paper and scotch tape with other cubes or the appropriately needed shapes attached to the big cube, a fine work of papercraft. i remember his hands particularly gave me some trouble because they were so small (the whole figure was about as big as my palm is now, or maybe smaller) but eventually i did finish them and attach them

i did all that because i was bored and i needed something so spend my attention on and so i came up with that. and i miss that feeling because now i always have something eating away at my attention. i believe attention to be a limited resource we have, and throughout a day you can partition it and spend it on tasks however you want. i'm not a bottomless pit of attention

there's countless things now that i let get in the way of boredom. whether it's watching stuff while i eat, or going on tumblr when i'm on the toilet, even listening to music every time i'm in the shower or go outside. it's all just there, dilluting my enjoyment and fragmenting my focus for things i actually need to do and things i actually want to do. think of it as such: it's the difference between having two or three filling, gratifying meals a day, with nothing in between, or constantly having little snacks here and there whenever you feel the slightest itch for it, and being unable to have a satisfying meal when the actual meal time comes. sure, you might feel hungry at times with the former option, but it's really not proper hunger, it's not something in your detriment, and being hungry for a bit in exchange for a proper satisfying and nourishing meal is worth it

i expect 2023 to be the busiest and most difficult year i've had yet. there'll be many things i'll have to do, and many things i'll want to do. but above actually being able to do said things i want to enjoy doing them. so in 2023 i will let myself be bored

it's not a new year resolution per se, but more of a theme of the year. it's also not a new year resolution because i already started letting myself be bored for a while now. it's just little things like not putting on my headphones whenever i leave the house or eating in silence without watching or reading anything, instead paying attention on the meal or on the walk or just thinking about other stuff. and i've enjoyed so far, and i'll make a point of enjoying it more and more thi year

in this newfound boredom i will find some time i didn't have before

and maybe i'll do something with it

tl;dr if i'm bored i'll just, be bored. no more running away from it, no more going to great lengths to prevent it. i'll just live it